Words From The Heart...

"Almost Finished"

2009-02-27T21:14:00.000-08:00

Well tonight I am going to write a little just to vent for the most part. My husband and I have been married for 12 years now, and together for 19 (long time I know). Some days it seems like yesterday that we were starting our life together, but then the others seem like eternity. For the most part we have a really good marriage, two beautiful kids and an awesome friendship. But we are total opposites in so many aspects. Our biggest problem is that I am an organizer.....and a little OCD when it comes to certain things...lol. He isn't organized at all and it drives me crazzzzy. He also has this thing that drives me almost over the edge here lately. For some of you ladies that read this, you can probably relate with me, while others may not but here goes. My husband is the world's worst at starting projects and not finishing them. We have so many things going on right now that are "almost finished", it is not even funny. We purchased another home about 7 years ago. The reason we purchased this home was because we wanted to have another child and needed a 3 bedroom instead of a 2, makes sense. So we found this really great house with a built in pool and very nice, big yard. The only thing was it needed a face lift. It was an older house and needed some serious remodeling and updating. We got the house at a really good price, planned on doing the improvements and then in maybe ten years, reselling, making a hefty profit, and then building. So the first couple of years we totally redone both girls bedrooms, the kitchen and the living room. The next year we worked on the yards and put up privacy fences and a wooden fence around the pool. Everything so far now is very updated and I am pleased. But in the meantime...I decided to go back to school, and now I hardly have any extra time for helping out with home improvements, and feel like I have to be on somewhat of a schedule to survive. So I have explained to my husband, let's just wait awhile before starting any more projects. I cannot function living in chaos. But I don't think my husband is listening, and my words are going in one ear and out the other, because right now we have about 7 different projects going on that he is undergoing himself. He has just put in a new front door, new french doors, and started new crown molding in the dining room, today as we speak. He also went to Lowe's earlier today and bought two new ceiling fans and two new light fixtures to go in the living room. He took down the old ceiling fans and light fixtures and they are piled up in the corner of my living room. Why he took down the ceiling fans and lights when he knew he had started crown molding, and had no intentions of getting to them for weeks, I have no clue and we have argued half the day about that. I understand he wants to keep things going and all that is fine and dandy, but the problem is everything he starts never gets finished....it takes months for him to finish something he starts, and then I have to work around the mess. Sometimes I feel like just screaming. Sometimes I feel like he is being selfish and not listening to me at all, or doesn't care about my feelings towards the matter. Yes...I am somewhat of a neat freak and that drives him crazy, but heck it drives me crazy just as well with myself, but it's something I can't control. He knew that when he said "I do"...lol. So let me just do a little run down of what's going on at my house...the front door is "almost finished" but still needs the trim put around it, the french doors are "almost finished" except for the trim around them and painting the exteior of them and the ceiling fans, lets not even mention those, because all I see is one big mess, tools laying everywhere and popcorn and plastic, from the boxes. He said he just wanted to get hem out and look at them, but now the kids are not suppose to touch, which puts even more stress on me, so that some part doesn't get lost by our 3 year old. That's not all though, last weekend he took down all the sheet rock in our hallway and put more up, only problem is he puttied it, and sanded it, the work has stopped there, so it too is "almost finished", except for the trim and paint. Must I go on...o.k. just one more thing, he also, about 2 weeks ago started building a new pool shed, which is "almost finished" but not quite, so now all of our pool chemicals, pool supplies, floats, and other pool stuff is sitting in my back yard, in one huge pile also. Everything is literally driving me insane. I have tried to be kind and explain to him, honey...let's completely finish one thing before you move on to another, but like I said it's not happening. For the most part, living around all of the tools, loose screws, trim sitting in various places in the house, gallons of paint, and everything else, I feel like I am losing it. It makes me ill with him, ill with the kids and I feel like I never get anything accomplished but trying to pick up after him. He on the other hand, tells me to get a grip, learn to live in it and stop nagging. I don't know what else to do. One thing too is that he gets off work at 2:30 everyday and has so much time to start all these unfinished projects. I guess what I needed was to vent. Maybe I am nagging too much, but I also feel like marriage should be 50/50, and if he knows something bothers me that much, then we should work together on it,I don't think it should always have to go "his" way. Tell me ladies, am I being unfair...you won't hurt my feelings at all...I just want some opinions.

Hard Work.....Big Rewards

2009-02-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

Saturday night my husband and I went out and enjoyed a nice, quiet "mexican" dinner alone, "kid free"! The girls stayed with my mom and I have to admit it was nice for a change. It was nice to finally be able to have an adult conversation with no interruptions and actually eat my food while it was hot...lol. We used to try and do that at least every two weeks, but here lately it's beginning to happen only about every other month . So for anyone out there who has small kids, you know what it's like to need a "break" every now and again, especially us stay at home moms. To be able to go out and enjoy a meal without having to go to the bathroom four times, or without a drink spilling, or a fight between siblings....is nice. For the most part, I am a stay at home mom and have been for about 5 years now. I do get a little break now, 4 days a week to take classes, but I'm not really sure if that is considered a break...hummm. I am currently working on my RN degree which is very stressful with two small kids, that demand so much of me, but I am giving it my all, hoping it will pay off in the end. My days start at 6 a.m. and don't usually end until midnight or later. To say the least, I am tired...lol. I feel much older than what I actually am. I'm not sure that "daddies" ever get the full effects that us "mommies" do. In all reality, if it could hold a label or position, we have the most demanding jobs around. We should make well over the $100,000 mark...lol. Sometimes people tell me, "you are so lucky that you don't have to work and get to stay home with your kids". When I hear that, it just makes me cringe, because I do work, from dawn til dusk. I think sometimes people think us moms just sit around and watch the soaps all day in our pajamas, far from it! I know for a fact that I work harder than any job I have ever had in the past, and never quite get the recognition deserved. I don't think any mommie does. In my opinion, every mom needs a break for herself at least once a week. Weather that means a manicure/pedicure, a lunch date with a girlfriend, shopping for a new outfit, or just getting a trip to Wal-Mart....alone for a couple of hours. To all the moms out there....just realize we have a tough job that requires alot of time and energy. Lots of stressful days and sometimes maybe even some tears. Sometimes I get so stressed out by the end of the day, I just need 5 minutes alone to sort out my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, being a mom is the greatest thing I have ever done and will do. To get to watch my children blossom and grow is a true blessing and I thank God every day for them. But in the end, we all deserve a "mommie" break. I guess what I am trying to say is this...don't feel bad or think that you are a bad mother just because we get aggravated or stressed....it's all perfectly normal. We aren't robots, we are human, all of us. So in the end, don't try to be superwoman. If you get a chance to go out for some one on one adult time, take it and don't feel guilty. And by all means, enjoy each and every day with your children. Because once they grow up, you can never get those "little" years back again. But on the other hand, take a break for yourself also...it will only make you a better mom in the end.

More on Van Gogh....He Is Awesome

2009-01-28T07:39:00.000-08:00

Vincent Van Gogh is well known among many for his paintings of vivid color. That in itself, is one of the main reasons I love his artwork so much, the color. I really enjoy looking at pretty colors, they make me feel good inside, giving me inner peace. When I see something that is bright and colorful, it really catches my eye and I feel confident in saying that is probably true of most people. Color tends to bring excitement to things and our surroundings. Van Gogh produced a painting entitled "The Cafe Terrace On The Place du forum at Night", this painting is also nothing but spectacular, and also a favorite of mine. The painting is very intense with vivid and rich color. It is an oil on canvas painting , and is not actually known for sure when this painting was created, but my research and evidence shows that it was most likely painted sometime around September of 1888. This was a time in Van Gogh's life, when he was living in Arles, in what he states as the "Yellow House". Van Gogh hardly knew anyone while living there, which in turn he had very little to distract him from his artwork. He created painting after painting while he was there. My first response to this painting is extraordinary. In my opinion, once again, all of his work is brilliant. I feel as if with each piece, he was portraying a story, a thought, or a feeling. This particular painting shows the cafe on a starry night, the sky is a bright midnight blue with many stars shining down on the streets. The cafe stands out because of the yellow color mixed with orange tones. The pavement seems to have so much texture and color that it seems so real, as if you would know exactly how it feels to walk along it bare foot. In the painting, you can see patrons at the cafe, and it looks as if they are enjoying good food or maybe even having a cocktail. The buildings on the other side of the street are dark with very little light, giving the impression that they were closed and it is probably somewhat late at night. The starry sky once again stands out the most in this painting. I believe Van Gogh had an obsession with the stars. The overall color scheme in this painting is magnificent. The colors all blend so well together. In my opinion, Van Gogh was a genius in the world of color. I also think it gave him a feeling of peace within. I get that same feeling when I go out at night and just look at the stars and the sky. It's as if the rest of the world and your troubles in life, somewhat disappear at least for the moment. If I could have an extra room in my home to decorate as I pleased, any way, I would fill it full of Van Gogh paintings such as this one. I would have someone come in and paint the walls deep blue with maybe even a quiet little town scene. I would put stars on the ceiling and a black light to illuminate all the artwork. I would then call it my Starry Room and that would be a place that I could go to escape the everyday troubles and stress of life. A place of my very own.

"Disturbing but Real"

2009-01-27T21:00:00.000-08:00

This past Sat. night, after a dinner with the family at Cracker Barrell(one of my favorite restaurants by the way...good Southern food), we decided to go to Wal-mart. I usually go there on Wed. mornings after class, since it is much less crowded then, but we were all bored and the kids wanted to look at toys, so we said "what the heck, lets go". Since the town we live in is relatively small, that is the thing to do on Fri. and Sat. nights after dinner for alot of families, so it is usually packed, that is why I normally try to avoid it then...lol. Anyhoo, so here it is about 9 p.m. and we are headed there. As we pulled in the parking lot, there is the Wal-mart gas station on the right hand side and a small shopping plaza with about ten stores and Little Caesars pizza. My husband decided to go ahead and get gas since it was a good price...lol and we were right there. So there in between the parking lot and the gas station, on the curb sits a family...a man, a woman, and two small children both probably under the age of 3. The family looked really poor and the kids were very dirty and not well dressed at all for the cold weather out. Now to me this was very disturbing. As we sat, while my husband pumped gas, I watched in dismay and a knot filled my stomach. I'm not really sure why it bothered me so much, I mean it is not uncommon to see homeless men/women from time to time on the interstate exits or in front of stores holding signs, but to see an entire family, I've never seen, especially with two small children out in the cold sitting on the curb. It was very sad. So when my husband got back in the truck, I showed him and said to him, "lets see if they are broke down...its the least we can do", and he agreed. So we pulled over to that side of the parking lot and he rolled his window down and asked them if they were stranded? The man said no, that they did not own a vehicle but that the kids were hungry, and could we spare some money to get them some food, he said he wasn't worried about him or his wife, just the kids, and he did not offer any more information than that. I looked at my husband and shook my head, and he handed them $7, which was all the cash we had left on us at the time. The man said Thank You, and that was that. The woman never even really looked up at us which I kinda thought was due to shame at the time. We then pulled away and proceeded to head closer to Wal-mart and parked. I felt really good about the situation, and hoped they would buy those kids some food with the money, but all I could do was hope. So we ended up in Wal-mart for the next two hours, it was nearly 11 p.m. when we checked out. So as we were coming out, my husband decides to get a drink from the coke machine and the kids wanted to ride the merry go round which is right there at the entrance. As I am standing there with them, I see the same lady from earlier walking around in the parking lot towards the front of the store. The ride ends and we proceed to walk to our vehicle, as we are doing this, she is walking towards us. She walks up to us and starts telling us how her vehicle is broke down, that is is out of gas and her older daughter and two small children are stranded in it right up the road, she wanted to know if we could spare a few dollars for gas? At this moment, it is just blowing my mind, I'm thinking to myself, does she not recognize us from earlier, we just gave them money. So I could not just let it go, and I said to her, ma'am...we just gave you all money about 2 hours ago and your husband said that you all had no vehicle. She just put her head down and said o.k., thank you and walked the other way. At this moment, I am just literally amazed. We got in our vehicle and I told my husband, lets just sit here a few minutes and see where she goes and what she does, so we did. We sat there for about 15 min, while the kids watched a DVD to keep them occupied. I didn't really want to have to explain in detail what we were doing and why, they are still young and probably wouldn't understand. As we now sit and watched this lady walk around the parking lot walking up to different people as they were going in and out of the store asking them for money. Some people looked to just be ignoring her, but some on the other hand, well many in fact, were reaching in their pockets and purses to give her money. About 15 or so minutes passed and we seen an older white van pulling up towards her, and she got in. They came up the next aisle in front of where we were parked and we could see that it was indeed the same man too. I just looked at my husband and said, "so they did have a vehicle". I guess they were just trying to get as much money as possible, any way possible. But to use kids in the scenario was very disturbing to say the least. I still didn't regret giving them the money though, because of the children involved. It is a fact I'm sure, that this family is definitely living in poverty but the reasons why are unknown. It makes me wonder, are the parents alcoholics or drug users? Do they have mental issues? Do they have little or no education and can't get jobs? Or....are they just scam artists that choose not to work? I will never know the answer to that question. All I can say is that is is a real fact of life. Very sad but true. There are many homeless people around the world and I am sure they all have very different stories of why their lives turned out that way. My heart goes out to anyone that has no choice in the matter due to upbringing in life, mental or physical abuse, mental illness, etc. but the ones that choose to live that way, because they are sorry and just want pity and handouts from everyone....well shame on them.

Starry Night

2009-01-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

Vincent Van Gogh's painting entitled "The Starry Night" is a magnificent piece of art work that is known and loved by many different cultures. I have a great appreciation for Van Gogh, I think his artwork is incredible. Starry Night is by far my favorite. I started researching Van Gogh many years ago and the love just grew over the years and even more when I had to take an art class in college. Although Vincent Van Gogh actually only sold one painting before his death, he was still well known for his great work as an artist. "The Starry Night" was actually painted in September of 1888 while he was staying in Arles, it was then produced in mid September of 1889 following a heavy crisis that lasted for about 2 months. People may view this painting in many different ways and no one person knows exactly what was going through Van Gogh's mind when he painted it. My impression of "The Starry Night" painting is amazing. It is a beautiful and colorful piece of work. When I look at this painting, I see a portrait of a small town on a windy, maybe somewhat chilly moonlit night with many clouds in the sky, and wind blowing through the trees. The town looks peaceful and the one thing that stands out the most is the church and bright full moon lighting up the town. In my opinion, it is a beautiful piece of work and I admire it. It makes me feel peaceful and calm inside when I look at it. I see a small village and the weather seems cold and windy as if you can almost feel it blowing on your face. The stars are shining bright and the moon is beautiful with enough light to light up the entire village. When I look at it, I feel as if I can almost step into the painting, and feel the tranquility of the scenery. The painting portrays a magical night to me, or at least that's what I feel when I look at it. But after reading and doing so much research on Van Gogh and his life, and the struggles he endured with personality and psychiatric problems, I have come to think the painting was reflecting the way he was feeling inside himself. I feel like he was indeed a sad man of which he was trying to escape his emotions in his artwork. I feel this painting depleted his feelings by the whirling winds and the clouds in the sky. Maybe he felt as if his own life was a whirlwind and that there were many dark clouds hanging over him, that he was trapped in a village with no where to go. As I said before no one knows exactly what is meant by this painting, but the quote by Van Gogh "The diseases that we civilized people labor under most are melancholy and pessimism" are strong, so maybe he was somewhat melancholy and pessimistic himself, maybe he was just a sad man trying to escape the pressures of life, we will never know for sure but the one thing we do know and can appreciate is that he was a wonderful artist with a brilliant imagination. I will definitely from time to time write about other paintings of his. To me they are all awesome and each tell a different story to each. Take a look at it closely, and see what you see, everyone is different, so your opinion might not be the same as mine, but even so, this piece is amazing.

"To Make a Difference, Feels Good"

2009-01-22T12:40:00.000-08:00

Last night, I received a phone call about 9p.m. from the lady that owns the house next to mine. This was actually only the 2nd time I have ever spoke with her. Anyway her name is Mrs. Jenkins. She is a 62 year old widow who lives alone in Cobb County. The funny thing is I have never actually met Mrs. Jenkins in person and we have been living in our house for almost 7 years now. Her house has always been a rental home since we purchased ours. There have been numerous families in and out of the house, with the last renters living there approximately 1 1/2 years which was nice. Mrs Jenkins son always comes down after any renters move out and examines the house and then has workers come out and do any repairs such as repainting, etc.. Well the house has been vacant since a little after Halloween but still I have yet to meet Mrs. Jenkins. About 2 weeks ago, her son was down again to check on things and came over and introduced himself, and wanted to get mine and my husband's cell phone numbers just in case they needed something beings they are about 3 hours away. So I gave him the numbers and told him if we could help in any way, just to let me know. So the next day Mrs. Jenkins called me. We talked on the phone for nearly 2 hours. She inquired about the neighborhood, how we liked living here, about the job market, and also asked lots of questions about me and my family as well. She seemed like a very sweet person. I learned through our conversation that she herself is in real estate, and that is actually how she stumbled upon the house next to me 9 years ago. She said she bought it with intentions of moving in herself and relocating. But sadly, before she could move her mother got really sick and she had to stay put to take care of her. So in turn she has been renting it out all of these years which she said has been alot of stress. She told me her mother has now passed and she is having mixed emotions about moving in herself, she stated that she has some possible renter prospects but still wasn't quite sure what to do. By this time...I felt like I knew her pretty well and she was a really sweet and kind person. So....last night she calls me again, I wasn't sure what she wanted at first because she just started talking in general about the weather and things like that. Then she went in to tell me how much she had enjoyed talking with me previously and what a nice person I seemed to be. That made me feel really good inside. She said she wasn't really calling for any particular reason, but just wanted to let me know that she had made the decision to finally move in the house and relocate to Tifton. She said " I am going to be your new neighbor, finally". I told her that was good news and asked her what made her make that decision now? She kindly said..."Well you helped me make that decision dear, you played the biggest part in that". She went on to tell me how the kindness in my voice and our long conversation two weeks prior had helped her make that choice. She told me that she could tell I was a good person, and she would love to have me as a neighbor. So last night and today her words have impacted me as well and I feel really good about myself just from the things she said to me. To know that I made that much of a difference really make me feel good. I guess the moral of this story to me is....Making a difference in someone else's life feels good. I am very happy my words helped her make that longing decision that she has been pondering over for months now. I also feel as Mrs. Jenkins and I are off to a great start with one another and I can't wait to finally meet her in person next week.

"Sometimes....Friendship Hurts"

2009-01-21T10:43:00.000-08:00

I have recently learned in life that you cannot trust everyone. Friends will come and go, and people change. There are not that many people left in this world that one could call a real friend. I have recently went through a terrible ordeal with what I thought to be one of my "best friends". She and I were friends for about 2 years but had a wonderful connection. It was as if we could finish one another's sentences and we laughed no matter where we were or what we were doing. But here within the last two weeks, I have pretty much cut all ties with her. The biggest problem we had were lies. I myself, try to be, to the best of my ability an honest person and I feel that honesty truly is the best policy. But with my friend, that we will just call Sarah, she could not be honest with me. There were so many lies that ruined our relationship, nothing really big, just small lies over and over again. At the end, I felt as if our friendship was based on little lies and I could not trust her at all. But....my heart aches for her. I can truly say that I feel as if I have lost my best friend because in all reality, I have. People can only take so much of the lies before they just get tired of it, and do not trust at all. That is exactly what happened between she and I. So now I wonder, how does one get past that aching feeling?? Will it linger forever? I hope not. It is hard to just completely let someone go. But I have gave her numerous chances to make our friendship work and I feel like I am the only one giving....so I am done. I guess what I want everyone to know and think about is this: Be honest with yourself and others. If you have a friend....be there for him/her at all times but most of all be honest with them. Don't tell lies, even if they are small. Small lies hurt in the end just as much as big ones. Friendship is a blessing.